First Blog

   I often find myself writing my thoughts into the notes apps throughout the day. I think about a lot of different things in an almost alarming frequency, my internal monologue is almost always spiraling. I was walking the other day and smelled the combination of cigarettes and fresh laundry. The scent was so familiar and reminded me of something, I just couldn't pin it. Nobody in my life smokes regularly and it was more than just the scent of smoke. When I got home I was able to place it to this apartment complex I lived in briefly when I was like 4 with my ex stepdad mom and older sibling. The halls always smelled vaguely of cigarettes and laundry, I realize now that I didn't really register that the scent was cigarettes as a child. I did not register the fact that there was communal laundry, and in unit laundry was a luxury(as I look at my in unit laundry and feel eternally grateful). I wasn't sure if I was thinking about this so hard because I was feeling mentally foggy or because sometimes I do not explore my thoughts as deeply as I would like. Even if these thoughts end up being kind of pointless conclusions like the familiar scent from my childhood was just the combination of laundry and cigarette smoke (yet here I am writing a paragraph analyzing this brief moment from my daily walk). 

I wanted to start a blog as an outlet, for when I have thoughts I want to reflect on and share but can not find the courage or one particular person to bother with my revelations (this comes after I stopped talking to a guy, where were these thoughts supposed to go now!). I could just text a friend or a loved one but we have much more important things to talk about than my recent revelation about how martinis are just gin and an olive, I think? And how stupid I think that is to drink olive and gin (why is this such a popular drink?). I also wanted to document important thoughts and happenings as an exercise of reflection and gratitude. I have a photo dump account where I document my living through photos, but my words mean a lot as well. Anyway, I didn't proofread this. Hopefully this makes sense. I probably will not publicly share this with the masses for a while. Picture below from my walk of a beer garden me and my mom ate at while she was visiting, it was OK. I don't really recommend.